The Boy Without Strings
by WritePassion
Summary: I saw so much of myself in Stacey when I was his age. Hungry for a father. Wanting to fit in and be accepted. To be loved. That part really stabbed me in the gut as I said goodbye on Monday morning and Stacey got on the school bus. For a second I wondered, is this how it feels when you've got a kid of your own? NOTE: Chapters 1 & 2 have been updated after re-watching the episode.
1. Chapter 1

_Burn Notice: I don't own it, I just like to play with it._

_A little story pre-Burn Notice. I was thinking about the episode Fearless Leader, when Sam encounters Stacey, the boy with the girl's name, only he's all grown up and has a chip on his shoulder. I thought it would be interesting to flesh out Sam's explanation of what happened, in his own words._

**The Boy Without Strings**

By WritePassion

When I disembarked from the carrier and arrived at my quarters at the Norfolk base, I thought there had to be some mistake. They stuck me with a non-comm who needed some serious lessons in keeping things ship shape. I didn't even unpack. I just hauled my butt over to the Admin building and went in search of the yahoo who made this asinine mistake. After a couple of directions that sent me on a wild goose chase, I found the office with the door marked Housing & Procurement.

I thought that was kind of an odd mix, but hey, you never know what the Navy will come up with. I opened the door and discovered it revealed a very small room containing one desk, two walls lined with file cabinets and bookshelves, and one window at the end. The desk held personal things, pictures and such, but the surface was so neat, the Admiral himself could have eaten off of it. At the moment, the seat was also empty of its occupant. The name plate read Ms. Josie Connolly. A civilian.

Well, that figured. She wouldn't know an Ensign from a Lieutenant, of which I was one. There was a big difference between one and two stripes, and I earned it and all the perks that went with the decorations. I found a chair near the door and sat. I didn't have anywhere to go for a few hours yet, so I could just bide my time and wait for Ms. Connolly to come back. After about five minutes, I crossed my legs and bounced my foot in the air. After almost ten minutes, I got up and went to the window. The base was just like any other, except for the beaches to the east and the promise of lots of fun and sun on the horizon. If my luck held out, tonight I would be taking advantage of all that Virginia Beach offered.

I heard a noise and thought maybe Ms. Connolly was coming, but the door didn't budge. Letting out a sigh, I turned back to the chair, but not before making a quick perusal of her desk. I was especially interested in the photographs. Most of them were of a little boy from infant to about eight or nine years old. He was geeky looking with big, dark rimmed glasses, but he had a cute dimply smile. A woman with dark wavy hair hugged him from behind in one of the shots, her smile radiating sunshine and her brown eyes full of a joy that drew me in. I heard footsteps, high heels on the tile, if I wasn't mistaken, and I shot over to the chair and sat in it before the heels stopped clicking.

"Ow! Hey!" The door flew open, right into my shoulder. I rubbed it and glared at the slim, statuesque beauty that stood staring at me with her big brown doe eyes. They were even better looking in person. I tried to smile, but dang, that hit was gonna leave a bruise!

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant…." She glanced at my name plate. "Lieutenant Axe."

Okay, so maybe she did know her Ensigns from her Lieutenants.

"What can I help you with, Lieutenant?" She closed the door and skirted around me to stand behind her desk. I watched as she smoothed the back of her tight, knee-length skirt before she sat and pulled the rolling chair up to her desk. Her expression was all business.

"I just got in on the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower."

"You should have received your bunk assignment before you left the ship," Ms. Connolly said as she reached for a file folder in a graduated rack.

"I did, Ma'am, except there's a problem with my assignment," I said. It seemed odd to call anyone under fifty "Ma'am", and I didn't have any superior officers who were female, so it seemed even less proper. My mother, however, would have smacked me if she ever knew I was less than a gentleman to this woman who held part of my happiness in her hands. I quickly explained what I found when I entered my quarters. "It was my understanding that I would be housed with the officers, Ms. Connolly."

"Hmmm," she said and her lips pursed. I could tell from the look that there had indeed been some sort of snafu, and she wasn't happy about it. "Let me take a look at my files." She tapped into a computer to her left, the CPU hanging onto the corner of the desk but partially wedged against the wall. After a few keystrokes, she made that noise again before taking a deep breath and letting it out slow and even.

"Is everything okay," I asked, leaning forward and giving her a charming smile.

Her eyes slid toward me and a hint of a smile crossed her lips while she continued typing. "Everything's fine, if you can stand rooming with Ensign Wright for a couple of days."

"A couple of days? Are you serious?"

"Sorry, Lieutenant. The room you were supposed to have was commandeered by a Commander, and he insisted that he have no roommates," Ms. Connolly answered with her deep brown eyes full of regret. "He'll be shipping out in a couple of days, and the room will be free at that time." She turned a smile on me. "At least then you'll be alone. I don't have anyone slated to join you for three months."

"And by then I could be on another mission," I muttered. Oh well, I decided to be glad to have the privacy for however long it was mine. "You sure there's no alternative to staying with Ensign Pigpen?"

Ms. Connolly had to fight to keep from laughing at my smart remark. I liked that. "Maybe you can get a weekend pass and on Monday come back and check into your quarters?"

"The weekend pass is no problem. I just didn't want to put my stuff in that room… you know, you're right. I'll just stay off base on my pass, and come Monday I'll be back." I stood, wishing there was something else that could keep me in her office for a little longer.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you Monday morning, then, Lieutenant Axe," she said. She had that look, the kind that women gave me when they were begging for a date.

I shouldn't. I'd never tried to date a civilian working on a base before, so I didn't know if there was some sort of protocol, or if there was a regulation against it. I couldn't imagine why it would be wrong. She wasn't a subordinate. I was still standing there, debating in my head whether I should or not, when Ms. Connolly solved my problem for me.

"Lieutenant Axe, have you ever been to the Norfolk area before," she asked with a guileless expression. "I mean, beyond Norfolk. Virginia Beach, for instance."

"No, Ma'am."

"So you don't even know where to go, do you," she said with a shake of her thick mane and a soft, lilting laugh. "I'm getting off work in an hour. Why don't you go hang out at the Commissary, and I'll find you and show you around?"

"Really? I wouldn't, uh, be intruding on your plans for the evening, would I?" Excitement raced through my veins as I wondered what was her motivation, if she was as attracted to me as I was to her.

"No. I have a sitter for my son tonight. I planned on meeting some of my friends for dinner and a girls' night out, but we both know how that always ends." She flapped a hand in the air. "We wind up pairing off with some guys we meet or sit there alone the rest of the night. It's getting old, and…." She gasped. "I'm sorry. I don't think you really care about that."

"Try me," I said with a suave tone and a smooth smile. "I've been told I'm a good listener."

With another shake of her head and a slim hand flipping her hair behind her shoulder, she spoke with a challenge in her voice. "We'll see, won't we, Lieutenant? I'll see you in the Commissary at seventeen hundred hours, and we'll go from there. Deal?"

"Deal." I reached over the photographs and shook her hand, then turned it over knuckles up and kissed it. It was probably a bit too much, but I liked the way she blushed. When I walked out of that office, I felt like I was in for quite a night.

* * *

Not only was Ms. Connolly beautiful and charming, she was punctual. Exactly at a thirty seconds before seventeen hundred hours, she appeared in the door frame and scanned the room for me. I held up my coffee cup, and she came forward. I stood before she reached the table.

"Care to join me for some coffee," I asked. Wishing she would say...

"No, thanks. It's been a long week, and I'm ready to go out and unwind. How about you, Lieutenant?" She stood with her weight on one stiletto heel and her clutch purse clamped between her elbow and her side, her hands clasped across her flat stomach. One good look at her gams, and I could tell she kept in excellent shape.

"Sounds like a good plan, except for one thing. Can you call me Sam?"

"When we're off base," she replied and turned on the ball of her foot.

I set my cup on the table and fell into step beside her, noting that even with the high heels, the top of her head reached to just under my nose. Petite but powerful. She was getting better and better by the minute.

We walked outside and she pressed a button on her keyfob to unlock the doors on a shiny red Mazda two-seater parked outside the Commissary. I hadn't expected that. She must be rich to have a car like that. Oh God, please don't let her be married. Please! I glanced at her ring finger and saw that it was bare, but that didn't mean anything. I would bide my time and rein in my desires until I knew for sure, then we would see where this was going.

She didn't expect me to follow her and open her door, taking her hand and helping her into the driver's seat while gaining more points in her book. "Thank you," she said, her voice showing how I'd just overwhelmed her.

She drove us to Virginia Beach where we ate at some seafood place and got to know each other. Josie was divorced from a rich CPA and had a really nice settlement out of it. "I don't have to work, but I love being on the base and putting my skills to good use. My dad was a Navy man, so I just gravitated to it." Josie took a sip of her second Cosmo. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I hadn't really told her much, at least nothing she wouldn't have seen in my files at the base. "I'm a SEAL. Most of my life is a closed book."

"No, I mean how did you wind up in the Navy?"

The way she listened as I told her about my dad, it was like her attentiveness opened up a floodgate. Things that I hadn't revealed to anyone in years came out, and I was powerless to stop it. Maybe it was the empathy in her eyes, or the parallel between my childhood and how her son Stacey was growing up without his dad that did something to me. I never gave up anything so easily, and it didn't take long for us to get more intimate. A couple more drinks certainly didn't hurt, and before I knew it we were on the darkened beach kissing in the sea oats and making love.

I woke up feeling the heaviness of salt and gritty sand in my hair, but my head rested on something soft. A pillow. I almost forgot how I got there, and how Josie was too drunk to drive so I took the wheel of her hot little car. We went to a little cottage near the ocean, tiptoed inside so as not to awaken Stacey, and while she directed me to the bedroom Josie paid the sitter and dismissed her. That led to round two and a crash into one of the best night's sleep I'd had in awhile. I heard feet on the wood floor and thought maybe Josie was up and around.

Opening my eyes, to my left Josie lay in a tangle of hair and covers. So who did I hear? I turned my head to the right and came upon a curious face with a pair of big brown eyes behind the large glasses. I knew this had to be Stacey. "Hi," I said.

"Hi. You must be Commander Axe," Stacey said as he held out his hand.

Blindsided, I shook it. "Yeah, I am." My uniform blouse lay draped over a chair, with the name plate and insignia plain for him to see. I briefly wondered how many times he saw such things.

"I'm Stacey Connolly," Stacey introduced. "You know you're in bed with my mom."

"Uh huh." I took a quick glance at her and saw she was still asleep. Whispering, I said, "She had a late night, so you might wanna keep it down a little."

Stacey nodded. "Hey, you wanna see my baseball card collection?"

Not sure if the kid was serious or not, I hesitated. Did he ask all his mom's one night stands that, or was I special somehow? What if this was some sort of test? One thing I was sure of, even if you took the sex out of the equation, I really liked Josie and wanted to see her again. So I answered, "If you let me grab a quick shower, we'll take a look at your baseball cards. Okay?" I winked at him, and the biggest, brightest grin crossed his face.

"You betcha!" He rushed out of the room and closed the door, leaving me to get out of bed, grab some clothes from my suitcase, and step into the master bath. Good thing I'd had the foresight to bring my stuff in, or I'd have had to wear the uniform that was definitely in need of dry cleaning after last night's romp on the beach.

As I emerged from the bathroom, Josie was making sounds like she was awakening. I smiled and slipped to her side of the bed. Sitting on the edge, I swiped the strands of wild hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Her eyes opened and she smiled at me.

"Good morning, Josie," I said.

"Morning, Sam." She replied with a widening smile. "Last night was a lot better than hanging with the girls."

I laughed. "I'd have to agree." She rolled, exposing her lips to me and I kissed them, basking in the touch of her fingers at the back of my neck as she pulled me closer. A guy could get breathless kissing her. Before she could distract me, I broke away because I felt more than a little uncomfortable getting into something with the kid somewhere outside the room. "Stacey is up. He wants to show me his baseball cards."

Josie giggled. "He likes you, Sam."

"We just met. He doesn't know anything about me."

She shrugged. "All I know is that he doesn't show just any guy his baseball cards. His dad gave him some pretty valuable ones, and he takes meticulous care of them." Her smile dimmed at the mention of Stacey's dad, but it didn't go away completely. "He's a good kid. I've been really blessed to have him. It's just that his dad... well, he's kind of married to his job, especially around tax season, so Stacey doesn't get to see him much."

"I think you said something about that last night. That's why I don't want to keep him waiting." That, and the ick factor of having sex right under the kid's wide awake nose. It was different when he was dead to the world.

"I'll get myself up and at 'em, and then I'll make some breakfast."

"Sounds good." I kissed her once more. Every time I did that, I felt a rush that I hadn't had in a long time. Josie was good, and if I wasn't careful, I'd fall in love with her.

As a SEAL who could be shipped out at any time to any location in the world, I learned that getting involved and falling in love were hazardous and detrimental to those who became the object of my affection. I lost a wife that way. She couldn't handle me being gone so much, and I found her in the arms of another man, my best friend. Just a couple years earlier that happened. We still haven't gotten around to getting the divorce on paper, but I know she doesn't consider herself married to me, and the feeling is mutual. If I have no intention of ever getting married again, it doesn't matter.

I forgot about my history and instead focused on Stacey and his box of baseball cards. He kept each one in a plastic sleeve that allowed me to see both front and back without taking it out, keeping fingerprints from ruining them. They all fit snug and safe in a hard shell briefcase. I marveled over some of the players he had and when I asked him about them, he could spout off facts and figures like no one else.

"Wow, Stacey, you've got a great memory for all that stuff," I said, impressed.

"I got my dad's brain for numbers and details," Stacey answered in such a casual tone, I was surprised. I noticed he had a shoebox sitting to the side on the coffee table, so I asked, "What's in the box?"

Stacey answered without giving the box a look. "Those are all the extras. The duplicates of cards that aren't valuable. I like to do stuff with those."

"What do you do with them?" I glanced up to see Josie enter the kitchen and give me an encouraging smile. She maybe thought I was being nice to her son, but he intrigued me and I was interested in learning more about him.

"Sometimes I make card houses with 'em," Stacey answered. "Or I make forts for my GI Joes."

"GI Joes, huh? Are they all Navy guys?" I gave him a hopeful smile.

"Sorry, but they're not. Hey, why don't I show you? They're all displayed on my bookshelf in my room." Stacey jumped up from the couch, grabbed my hand and wouldn't take no for an answer as he dragged me to his room. "See? I've got a dozen of 'em."

He did have a dozen, and they were all sorted by branch of service. I glanced around his room and noted how neat everything was, that all his toys had a place that made sense. The bed, covered in a bedspread decorated with all the planets in their natural alignment, was made so neat, I figured I could probably bounce a quarter off it if I tried.

"You like my room," Stacey asked, his eager eyes dancing as he looked at me studying his space.

"Yeah, Stacey. It's a really nice room." For some reason, my answer meant a lot to him. I could see it in how his shoulders relaxed and the distance between us narrowed a little.

"Boys, breakfast is ready!"

Stacy's dimples appeared when he smiled. "We better hurry, or it'll get cold!" He snatched my hand again and led me out of the room, down the hall, and he didn't stop until we reached the dining room. I had to restrain myself from laughing. It was crazy how fast the kid latched onto me, and how, by the end of the weekend, I was feeling an attachment to him as well. I saw so much of myself in Stacey when I was his age. Hungry for a father. Wanting to fit in, and be accepted. To be loved. That part really stabbed me in the gut as I said goodbye on Monday morning and Stacey got on the school bus. For a second I wondered, is this how it feels when you've got a kid of your own?

After Josie got me situated in my new quarters and I unpacked, I didn't have anything on my agenda that day except to think. I ran through every moment she and I spent together, with and without Stacey, and I realized that what I was doing with this mother and son was nuts. I was dancing too close to the fire, and we were all going to get burned if I wasn't careful. I couldn't let that happen. I cared too much about them, which made distancing myself even harder to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

All that week I had training, so there wasn't any time to even see Josie on base. One morning, very early, my SEAL team practiced storming and taking a small empty beach house, which reminded me of Josie and Stacey as I swept the empty rooms with my buddy. We found a planted incendiary with a sailor who volunteered to be our resident bad guy for the day. He was ready for us. I managed to keep my mind on what I was doing, the sailor went home marked with red paint, and the SEALs scored another win. On Friday, I ran into Josie at the Commissary. It was as if she'd been waiting for me, and when our eyes met, hers were full of doubt.

"Hey, Josie, how are you," I said, and she looked uncomfortable. I lowered my voice. "Is something wrong?"

"No," she responded too fast and too cheerful. The tight smile clinched it. Something was wrong.

"Come on, let's sit. Grab some lunch." She let me take her by the elbow into line, where we picked up a couple trays. I don't even remember what I took. I was too concerned about the strange vibes I was getting off of her. She didn't say anything until we sat, and then I had to pry it out. "Is it Stacey? Is he okay?"

Her eyes locked on mine as she replied in a softer tone. "He's fine." The corners of her lips turned up as she added, "He asked if we were going out again. You haven't called, and well, he's been through this a few times, so he knows if the guy doesn't call back after..."

"Hey, hey, hey," I said as I curled my hand around the underside of her arm and caressed it with my thumb. She was wearing a short sleeved blouse, and her skin felt soft, reminding me of the weekend before. Not that I needed any reminding. "I've been busy all week. Some of my training was at odd hours, and I wanted to call, but I was afraid it would be too late and wake up Stacey."

That she wasn't expecting, because her eyes grew wide and she blinked several times. She took in a breath and said, "I'm sorry, Sam. I... I should have said something when I saw you on base on Wednesday. I was just afraid that we were a one-time thing, and for me to be feeling anything..." She cut herself off and pressed a hand over her mouth. She'd said too much, given away too much of her heart, and now she was embarrassed.

I was flattered, charmed, and as crazy as it was, her admission just made it even harder for me to break away before things got too close. The only thing I could do was breathe out and say, "Wow."

"Yeah, wow. You're a great guy, Sam. You were so sweet to Stacey, and in one weekend he's fallen for you. You'll have to forgive him, because he's never had a guy treat him like he was his son and the guy was his dad."

"Is that what I was doing? We were just hanging out and having fun," I said. It was all so innocent, giving a kid starved for male attention what he needed, and it made me feel good to see the joy radiating out of him when I did it. I had no clue I was digging myself in deeper.

"He sees his friends with their dads, and they spend time with him, but it's just not the same." Josie reached across the table for my hand, and I clasped hers in mine at the contact, just for a brief moment. "If nothing else comes of this, I think it'll break his heart."

"What about you? How would you feel if we never saw each other again outside of the base," I asked as I released her hand. It wouldn't be good for her to be caught in a compromising position. During my short time at Norfolk I discovered that the base commander frowned on romantic relationships between us and civilians working on base. I didn't want to cause Josie any grief or put her job in jeopardy.

It took her a little while to reply, and when she did, it was with a warm smile. "Last weekend was the best weekend I've had in a very, very long time. Sam, you were wonderful, everything about you. On Monday after we came to the base and said goodbye, I was so afraid that was it, because it was like it was almost too good to be true. Like everything that happened was just a fairy tale for a weekend."

"I was hoping it would be for longer than the weekend," I said with an encouraging smile. "Our team earned three-day passes this week, so starting tonight, I'm a free man until Tuesday morning at sunrise. If someone is willing to show me around some more…."

Her face lit up like a hundred billion watt spotlight hit it. "This is great! You know I would love to take you. I mean, show you the area." Her cheeks flushed, and I thought it was adorable.

"I was hoping you would." The temptation to touch her was too strong, so I slipped my hand across the table surface and made contact with her fingers. A spark of her electricity zipped through me. Keeping my breathing under control, I said, "Friday night can't come soon enough. See you at six?"

"I'll be ready. Where should we meet?"

"I'll get a car and head out to your place. Then you, Stacey and me, we'll go out." I was afraid to include Stacey, thinking she would want me all to herself, but the reaction on her face told me I'd said the right thing.

"That sounds great. See you at six." She glanced at her watch. "I need to get back to the office. Later, Sam."

"Yeah. See you later." I released her fingers and she shot out of her seat, almost stumbling on the chair leg as she hurried away. I would have wondered at her haste, but I chalked it up to the fact that she was probably still feeling the effects of our contact. I know I was. I hadn't even touched my lunch.

When we spent that first weekend together, I thought it would just be another superficial relationship for the time I was on base, no strings attached. That's the way it always works. But this time, it was different. A sweet, lovable child was involved, and as much as I wanted him to be the boy without strings, my plans were going awry. I had to be careful. Getting too close could be dangerous.

* * *

As I parked in the empty driveway at six, Stacey came tearing out of the house. "Sam! Sam! You're back! Mom said you were coming, but I was afraid you wouldn't," he exclaimed and ran full force into me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I laughed, forgetting about my bag and wrapping my arms around him in a hug. The warmth felt good even though it had been hot all day. This was a different kind of heat, the kind that love gave off. I didn't get a whole lot of that from my dad, and neither did Stacey. Because of my experience, or lack of it, I didn't even know how a man was supposed to behave with his son, but somehow my unconscious actions were exactly what Stacey needed.

"Stace, are you going to let Sam come in here, or what?" Josie asked from her position standing behind the screen, grinning at the two of us with that look that reminded me of my own Mom and how she would freeze like that, overwhelmed by a wave of love.

"Hey, are you staying all weekend?" Stacey's hopeful eyes stared up at me as he disengaged himself and stepped back.

"I am, if you want me to."

I didn't think the kid's grin could get any wider, the dimples confining it to his face. "Oh, wow! Can I get your bag?"

"Sure, Stacey. Thank you." I waited until he lugged the thing out of the back seat before closing the door and following him to the cottage door, grinning all the way. For a moment I had a feeling that this was what it was like for a man to come home to his family, but this was not mine. I had to remember that.

We went to a family restaurant because I had the bright idea of letting Stacey pick the location. I wasn't exactly comfortable there, but I really didn't want to take a kid to a tavern. As we ate I looked around at the other families with kids of varying ages, and again I wondered what it was like to be a father. It seemed so romantic, but what about when things weren't so rosy? We hadn't experienced any rough patches yet, so how would I know? And why in heaven's name did I want to know? I decided to tuck that question away for later, when I was alone again, and try to figure it out before I'd gotten past the point of no return.

After dinner we found a small carnival had set up in a large empty field near the cottage. I discovered that twirly rides and Josie didn't mix, but Stacey could have ridden them all night long with me, so she watched as we rode the Tilt-A-Whirl for the fourth time.

"Okay, that's the last round," I said, feeling a bit woozy and trying to get my sea legs on solid ground.

"Aw, come on, Sam! It was fun!" Stacey bounced around me, begging for more.

"Yeah, it was, until you figured out how to shift your weight and make the car swing around faster," I countered and slipped into Josie's waiting arms. Her kiss on my cheek was like a balm for my queasy stomach, and I let her know by squeezing her tighter to my side.

"If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw someone else throwing their weight around too," she said with an accusing look zeroed in on me.

We laughed, and the debate was over. After a few other rides we could tell that Stacey had had his fill, so we went home. He fell asleep in the back seat, and rather than wake him up, I carried him inside and settled him into bed. Josie took off his shoes, but we left him sleeping in his clothes. I watched her pull up the covers and smooth them over his little body, and her hand caressed his face before she kissed his forehead. It brought back memories of my Mom again. I missed her so much, and I tried to forget that, but the time I spent with these two would prove to be a constant reminder.

Josie turned with a look of such sweet contentment on her face, it struck me how sexy she looked with the light from the small bedside lamp. I couldn't help myself. I gathered her into my arms and kissed her passionately right there until her moans became indecent in front of the boy, even if he was asleep.

"Let's move this to another room," I whispered.

When Josie and I got together it was like summer lightning, hot, sizzling, and fast. And once was never enough. We made love until we were exhausted and curled up together. It was too warm under the covers, so she kicked off the blanket and we spooned under the sheet.

Saturday was another beach day, and I spent my time between wearing out Stacey in the surf and throwing a baseball to him on the sand, and when he tired of both, he went to build sandcastles while I sat beside Josie on the beach blanket. We kissed openly in front of Stacey, and every time he saw it, the radiant joy on his face was incredible. I couldn't look at him without feeling a sense of guilt that someday this was all going to end and he would be devastated. Then it hit me. He's happy, Josie's happy, and I'm happy. Sure, I'll wind up stationed somewhere else eventually, but for the time being everything was perfect. Why ruin it with thoughts of what might be? So I decided to live in the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Sunday morning I found Stacey on the floor in his room, laying out his baseball card collection, stacking everything into neat piles. I couldn't help but notice that he cracked open the pack I bought him the day before on the way back from the beach. "Hey, whatcha doing," I asked.

"I'm organizing my extra cards," Stacey answered. "Come on in, Sam. I've got these that you gave me, did I thank you for them? Mom would be mad at me if I didn't, so if I didn't, thanks, Sam."

"You did, the second I put them in your hands." I smiled at him. "Any good ones in there?"

His excitement took me back to my childhood and how thrilled I was whenever I had a new pack of cards. "Yeah, and so now I have to go through my inventory and figure out what I don't have and the extras I put in this box."

"Wow. For a little kid, you've got this all figured out, don't you," I said as I stepped over the piles and found an empty space on the floor to sit next to him. It required me to hug my knees to my chest, but it worked.

"Mom says it's my Dad's fault." He bowed his head and studied the card in his hand. I thought he was going to turn gloomy, but he pointed to the picture. "This is a rookie card I just got in that pack. I don't know if it'll ever be worth anything, but sometimes you gotta hedge a bet, my Dad used to say, and maybe reap the benefits later."

I looked at the card. "Chuck Finley. Never heard of the guy."

"That's 'cause he's a rookie, Sam!"

"Oh yeah, I knew that." I ruffled his hair. "For being a kid, you sure have a lot of knowledge in that noggin of yours."

"I'm going to be nine soon. Not so much a kid anymore when I get into the double digits. Right?"

Laughing, I replied, "You got it, kiddo. Hey, when is your birthday?"

"Next week," Stacey replied. "On Tuesday. Mom said we could go to the Waffle House for my birthday. Think you can come?"

Uhoh, there it was, the big question that would cause me to break his little heart for the first time. I sighed and rested my head against the mattress. "I'm sorry, Stacey. I'd love to, but I don't think I can make it."

"Mom said your pass is good through Monday. Can't you get it longer?"

"I wish I could. That's not how things work in the military. I have to go where and when they want me to go."

"Oh."

I put my arm around his shoulders and said, "I promise I'll make it up to you. On my next weekend pass, we'll do something special. Just us if you want to, and we can leave your Ma at home."

Stacey looked up at me and giggled. "Mom won't like that."

"We could go fishing. Girls don't usually like going fishing," I said, and he nodded. "Alright, that's what we'll do. Do you have a pole?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "Maybe I can get one."

"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything. In the meantime, why don't you finish up here and we'll go do something? Your Mom is sleeping in."

The look of delight on his face was precious. "Alright!"

I left to get cleaned up and dressed in shorts and one of my favorite Hawaiian shirts. During a brief stint at Pearl Harbor I got hooked on the shirts, and even though they were pricey, they were worth every penny. With it being so close to Memorial Day, I was giving my new red, white, and blue number a good wearing.

"Hey, Sam, guess what," Stacey said as we went out to the garage.

"What?"

"You kind of remind me of Evel Knievel with that shirt on. You know who he is?" He squinted in the sunlight as he pushed his bike out onto the driveway. "I wanna be like Evel Knievel someday. He did all those cool jumps and stuff." He lowered his head and mumbled, "But everybody thinks I'm just a brainy dork. What do you think, Sam?" His eyes were on me again, and the look on his face was one of desperation. For some reason, what I thought of him meant more than anything the other kids said.

"Honestly, I think Evel Knievel was kind of dumb. I mean, he could have killed himself doing all that stuff. But you're a smart kid, so I don't wanna see you doing anything dumb. Understand?"

After talking with Stacey a little more, I got it out of him that what he really longed for was the thrill of riding a motorcycle, and the attention that it brought the rider. He just wanted to be noticed. With hands on hips, I studied his bicycle for a few moments. He had one of those Schwinns with the banana seat and the knobby tires. It kind of looked like a motorcycle.

Snapping my fingers, I asked, "Stacey, would you mind going and getting some of those extra baseball cards of yours?"

"What do you want to do with the baseball cards," he asked.

"You don't care if they get scuffed up, do you?"

"No," he answered, still not sure what I was planning.

"Okay, then. Go get four of them. That's all we'll need." My confident expression must have triggered a sense of trust inside him, because Stacey nodded and ran inside.

By the time he returned, I'd snatched a few spring-loaded clothespins from a cloth bag hanging on the garage wall. He handed the cards to me, and I got down on one knee to attach them, weaving the cards through the spokes and clipping two to the front fork, and two to the back.

"There you go." I stood and waited for him to get on the bike.

Stacey just looked at my handiwork, then at me. "What'd you do that for?"

It was all I could do to keep from laughing. "Obviously, you and your friends have never done this to your bikes. Why don't you just get on and ride? You'll see what happens."

Stacey looked at me funny, but he grabbed the handlebars and mounted the bike. With his foot he kicked the stand back, settled the other foot on the right pedal, and he began to propel the bike down the driveway. It was a short distance, so he turned right and rode to the neighbor's drive. He swung in and around and returned, his eyes full of excitement as he listened to the clacking of the cards against the spokes.

"Ride down the sidewalk, Stacey," I urged him. "Ride faster!"

By the time he reached the end of the block I could hear him whooping in joy, and I chuckled at his happiness. I stopped at the sidewalk just so I could watch him race back, head down, leaning toward the bars, the baseball cards sounding like a motorcycle engine as he closed the distance between us. I thought he would whizz past me, but Stacey put on the brakes and the tires squealed as he created a six foot long skid mark on the pavement. He laughed and threw a fist up in the air.

"Man, you're just like Evel Knievel now, aren't you," I said, and Stacey grinned and nodded.

"Thanks, Sam. This is really cool!"

"So you wanna keep the cards on your bike?"

"Oh yeah! My friends are gonna be jealous when they see this!"

"Alright, let's make sure they don't come off." I thought he would be satisfied with a little spin and I could remove them, but Stacey was adamant about keeping my contraption. I led him to the garage where I experimented with duct tape and rolling the cards just enough to stay on the forks without snapping off. I put the clothespins back where I found them, and Josie was none the wiser.

"Sam, can I go over to Tommy's house? I wanna show him what you did to my bike!"

"Will your mom be okay with that?"

"Yeah. He's just down the street, next block."

Stacey bounced on the balls of his feet, and I was afraid if I said no, he might go anyway. "Okay, but be back in time for lunch, understand?"

"Okay! Thanks, Sam! You're the greatest!" He set the bike on its stand, coming around to give me a quick hug before leaping onto the seat and taking off down the street.

"Vrroom vroom, Evel!" I shouted after him and waved, but he didn't see me. He was way too happy pretending his bike was a motorcycle.

"What did you do, Sam? He's on top of the world," Josie said, surprising me by coming up from behind and putting her arms around my torso.

"He wanted to be Evel Knievel. I just found a way to make his dream come true."

Josie rested her cheek against my shoulder blade. "Sam, you're too good to be true."

I didn't think I was, but nothing I could say would change her mind. And who was I to argue when she pulled on me, leading me toward the house and not stopping until we reached the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

In the middle of training, our team was sent to Eastern Europe to assist some CIA operatives with a mission. We were gone for three weeks, maintaining silence so those we left behind had no clue where we were. What happened there is still classified. Let's just say things didn't go by the book, and I could have ruined my career if it weren't for an old friend named Virgil. I barely had time to stow my gear at the base when my Commander called me into his office. I knew that it was time to pay the price for my mistake, so before I knocked on the door I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves.

"Come in," Commander Stillman barked.

Licking my lips in nervousness, I entered and stood at attention until he ordered me at ease and invited me to sit. I tried to appear casual, but it was a lost cause.

"Before you start in, Sir, I'd like to say that I'm aware of what I did and it won't happen again."

"I know that," Stillman said, his steely blue eyes boring a hole into me. "I know that because of two things. Your previous team Commander wrote in your profile that you never make the same mistake twice. And, if you do, I'll make sure you get thrown out on your ear. Is that clear, Lieutenant Axe?"

"Like crystal, Sir."

"Good. It's lucky for you that Watkins defended you, because you were this close to a court martial." Stillman held his index finger and thumb close together. "So you're getting off with a reprimand."

"Thank you, Sir." My whole body relaxed, but when I saw him sit back I realized that he wasn't done. He still had unfinished business.

Stillman continued. "Before I took over command, the team was running a lot of ops. You were becoming the go-to team."

"Yes, Sir." I wasn't sure what he was driving at, but I figured I better just agree with him, especially since it was the truth.

"Looking at your records, it says you haven't had a leave in over a year. With the kind of work you've been doing, and the stress, that's unacceptable. It also makes what happened in Europe more understandable." He set his elbows on the desk and pulled a sheet of paper from my file, signed it, and handed it to me. "Here you go, Axe. Have a ball."

I knew what a leave form looked like, but it had been so long since I'd seen one, and coming on the heels of my major screw-up, I wasn't sure what to make of it. "Sir, I don't understand. Why now?"

Stillman's eyes locked with mine. "What happened out there, I know it wasn't just a bad judgment call. You need some time off, and I'm giving it to you. Everyone on the team is getting the same."

"Two weeks?" I had to look at the paper twice, disbelieving what I was seeing.

"Yeah, two weeks. Go away, forget about all of this for awhile, and recharge your batteries, Axe. When you come back, I know you'll be ready to take on the next mission." He actually smiled at me, one of those thin lines that's a cross between benevolence and decorum. "Go do something that's far from your SEAL duties. Try acting like a civilian for awhile."

"Thank you, Sir. I will, and I'll be back, ready to handle whatever our next mission is."

"Good luck, Lieutenant."

The second I stepped out into the hot sun, I opened my leave papers and stared at each word again, reading them slowly, thinking that somehow I must have misread it. But no, I'd been granted two weeks of leave. I knew exactly where I was headed first.

Josie's office door was closed and I detected voices on the other side, her soft tone contrasted by another that was deeper, harsher. If I wasn't mistaken, they were finishing up, so I waited. The door opened and another Lieutenant barreled out of the room and almost ran into me.

"Sorry," he grumbled and kept going down the hall.

"Sam, come on in," Josie said, her tone all business even though she addressed me by my first name. After I entered and closed the door behind me, she put the desk between us and leaned her knuckles on the surface as she asked, "Where have you been?"

"I was on a mission." My lips twitched. "You know how this works, baby."

She sighed deeply and wilted into her chair, and she gestured for me to take the chair across from her desk. "Yes, I do. It doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Stacey has been bugging me, asking when you were coming back. I didn't know how to answer him."

"I'm sorry. This came up suddenly, and I didn't have time to contact you before I left." I glanced at my folded hands hanging between my knees, then looked at her. "I guess I figured since you worked on the base you'd know that my team was gone."

"I only deal with housing. They don't let me be privy to SEAL operations," she replied with a snarky tone but a slight tug at her lips let me know she wasn't going to stay mad at me for long. Not after what I had to tell her.

"I've got a two week leave due me."

She stared at me. "Two weeks?"

"Yeah. Commander Stillman told me to get off base and go away, try to be a civilian for awhile." I chuckled. "I'm not sure I can do it alone. I think I need some help."

"Sam, it's not that easy for me to just drop everything and go away with you." She shook her head. "Stacey has school. He's out for the summer in two weeks. Maybe you can postpone it."

"You know I can't do that."

She sighed and massaged her temples. "I have a week's vacation coming up, and Stacey and I were going to spend it together, and then my folks are coming from Texas to stay for the summer and keep watch over Stacey while I'm at work."

I felt like someone dropped a one-ton weight on my head. I tried, and I think I succeeded, in keeping a straight face that hid my disappointment. "Yeah, I thought that might be a problem. Hey, it's okay. I'll take a week and go down to Miami."

"Miami?"

"Yeah, I worked with a guy who talked it up. It sounds like a good place to go to get away from it all." I smiled and leaned forward. "I just wish you could go with me."

"It's impossible." The resistance in her tone left me confused. Surely she couldn't be angry at me for doing my duty.

"Okay, I understand, really." I said it even though I didn't, really. I juggled my hat in my hands, sensing that this conversation was done. I stood and asked, "Can I at least see you tonight?"

"Of course." The smile that I loved came back as she added, "Spend the weekend with us, Sam. Stacey will love it, and so will I."

"Great. I guess I'll go get packed. See you when you're done with work?"

"Sounds good."

All the way back to my quarters I had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I was being dumped and it was through no fault of my own. She knew I was a SEAL, and she understood what that entailed, so I didn't get why she seemed so disappointed that I hadn't tried to contact her. Maybe we could patch things up over the weekend. After that... only time would tell what would happen. I wasn't ready to let her go, nor Stacey for that matter.

* * *

Over the weekend Josie warmed up, but I still felt like something was wrong and she wouldn't tell me what it was. Monday morning I drove Stacey to school because I wanted to take him to breakfast and talk to him. It was shameless of me, but I was starting to fall hard for his mom, and I figured that getting him on my side would give me an edge to escaping Josie's doghouse. I'd promised I would make up not being there for his birthday, so I honored my word and we hit the Waffle House. I was more than a little surprised when he ordered hash browns and bacon. No eggs.

"Stacey, is there something I need to know about?"

"Mom took me to the doctor while you were gone because I got really sick after eating here for my birthday." He tapped the tines of his fork against the pile of shredded potatoes. "The doctor found out that I'm allergic to stuff."

"Really? Like what?" I panicked for a moment inside, wondering why Josie didn't tell me. I could have inadvertently given the kid something he shouldn't have and put him in danger.

Stacey shrugged. "It's no big deal, Sam. It's just wheat flour and eggs... and chocolate." He sighed. "No more waffles. Or chocolate chip cookies. As long as I stay away from those, I'll be fine." The smile he gave me was forced.

I glanced at my Belgian waffle with strawberries and lots of whipped cream, and suddenly I didn't have an appetite anymore. The waitress stopped at our table and asked, "Is there something wrong with the waffle, sir?"

"Uh, no, but could you take it away? I'll have what he's having." I inclined my head toward Stacey's plate.

"Coming right up, sir." She whisked away my plate.

"You didn't have to do that, Sam." He picked at his meal.

"It's okay, Stace. I didn't want you to have to sit there and watch me eat that waffle when you can't have any. It's not fair."

The look on his face was a mix of shock and awe, and he spoke in a soft voice. "Thanks, Sam. None of my Mom's other boyfriends were ever that nice."

We ate our meals in silence for awhile, and I could tell that Stacey had something on his mind. His hand hovered over the last strip of bacon while his legs swung under the table, and he studied the people around us. When I spoke, his head whipped around to look at me.

"What's up, buddy? I know you're itching to say something."

Stacey let out a breath. "Sam, why did you go away and not call my Mom? I was afraid you didn't like us anymore."

"That's not true, Stacey. I had a job to do and I had to drop everything to do it. Your Mom knows that's a risk being in a relationship with a SEAL." It was the best I could do, and while it didn't give him complete satisfaction, at least he wasn't mad at me. "I like you, Stacey, and I like your Mom. I feel like I'm home when I'm with you guys."

The kid's entire face lit up. "Really?"

"Really." I put myself out on one heck of a limb telling him that, but it was the truth. There was no denying it anymore. I hadn't known them long, but Josie and Stacey felt like the family I should have. I was, after all, at that age where guys my age had families. I'd never dated a woman with a kid, wasn't sure I'd be comfortable with it, and now that I had, I was hooked. "Maybe if your Mom feels the same, she'll get over being upset with me. And maybe when I come back from Miami I can talk her into letting you get out of school early so we can do something. I mean, everybody knows that the last week is just a lame duck session anyway."

"What's 'lame duck'?"

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "If you ever get into politics, you'll know." I glanced at my watch and realized that time was running away from us. "Hey, are you done? I have to get you to school, or your teacher will be mad at me for making you late! Come on!" I paid the bill while Stacey finished up his breakfast, and I managed to get him to school while the kids were still out in the yard.

"Hey, Sam?" He stood with the car door open, leaning in to speak.

"Yeah, Stace?"

"Thanks for the birthday breakfast." He grinned. "See you when you get back from Miami." He slammed the door and ran to the playground, as if it was just that simple.

His trust blew me away. In Stacey's mind, there was no other way this would go. I would come back from Miami and he and his mom would pick up with me as if I'd never left. There were benefits to being a clueless child. I envied his innocence and wondered how long he would keep it if guys like me kept wandering into his Mom's life.

* * *

I touched down in Miami, found my hotel in South Beach, and settled down for the five days that I intended to be there. I found a happening little bar with a front-row view of the beach and the babes, tried the mojitos and found my new go-to drink when I tired of beer.

"Hi there." I looked up at a dark haired beauty, tanned and toned, and looking hotter than the Miami sun. "My name's Aurora. I haven't seen you around here before."

"My name's Sam. I'm just here for a few days of vacation. A friend told me that Miami was a great place to visit, so I'm here, looking for the fun." I grinned at her and invited her to sit. "I take it you're a local."

"I am. I play volleyball on the University of Miami team, and we train here on the beach. Maybe you'd like to come down and watch, and I can show you my moves."

"Yeah, I'd like that." She showed me her moves alright, and before I knew it, we were having our own little party in my hotel room.

If I said I didn't feel guilty about sampling the local women, I'd be lying. But when I left Josie, things were still in flux. I didn't know where I stood with her, so why not indulge myself a little? I was careful at least. If I wasn't, I'd be a discredit to myself and my career. The only souvenirs I'd take with me from Miami were a bunch of memories and a couple trinkets for Josie and Stacey.

After the Eastern Europe debacle, I made an effort to call Josie just about every day. "Hey baby, it's me."

"Hi, Sam. How's Miami?"

"It's, uh, great. It would be better if you were here." I thought that would make her happy.

"Maybe some other time. Look, I have to go."

"Is Stacey around?"

"He's getting ready for bed, Sam. Maybe you can talk to him tomorrow night."

I knew it wasn't that late, but I let it slide. "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"We'll see."

This was not sounding good, and as the days passed and I heard continued resistance in her voice, I almost dreaded going back to Norfolk. On Saturday my plane came in late and as soon as I could, I called Josie. "Hey baby, how are you? Did you miss me?"

She laughed, and I took the lightness of her tone as a good sign. "I did. Are you coming over? I can hire a sitter, and we'll go out, just the two of us."

"That'll be great, Jo. I'll see you in a little while." Naturally, Stacey was disappointed he couldn't go with us, but I assured him I'd see him in the morning. At the moment I needed to get Josie alone and delve into a serious conversation. I had to know where this was going before I invested any more time in it.

It was as if Josie knew I wanted to broach the subject and she did everything she could to distract me. Soft music played in the background, candles lit the table, and I suffered a civilian suit while she wore a clingy dress that followed all her curves in such a way that I found it impossible to keep focused. After dinner we went to a drive-in. I have no idea what movie was playing, because my mind was only on her and how good she looked. She smelled even better, and her skin was like velvet under my hands. We left each other breathless with our kisses, and I drove us out of there before anything major happened.

I still didn't have my answer the next morning. Josie liked sleeping in on the weekends, but I was too stuck in my schedule to take advantage of the free time, so I lay at her side watching her sleep. I flitted my fingers over the rise of her cheek and whispered, "I... I think I love you, Josie. Do you love me?" She moved, and I paused. When she seemed to settle back into sleep, I said, "I need to know."

Stacey went to play with some friends on Sunday afternoon, which left Josie and me alone. We took full advantage of the time. When we were both sated and lay with our limbs entwined, I knew that now was the time to get the question out in the open and ask. I didn't expect her to beat me to the punch.

"Sam, we should talk. About us."

"I agree, baby. What about us? I mean, where are we going?" I slipped an arm behind her head and she turned toward me, allowing me to curl my hand around her waist.

"I don't know. This is the first relationship I've had since Kenny left. I mean, I've gone out with guys and had a lot of fun, but this..." She let out a breath. "I wasn't expecting this, Sam."

"Neither was I, Jo. It just happened, and I'm not sorry that it did. Are you?" I looked into her eyes, hoping to see the same love I was beginning to feel for her reflecting back at me. Instead, I saw doubt.

"I don't know. You're fun and funny, intelligent, sweet, and an amazing lover. I only wanted to have all those good things." A slight smile crossed her face. "I wasn't looking for love or attachment, or whatever this is."

"I was hoping you loved me. Why can't you just embrace it," I asked sounding desperate, but I didn't care. I was fighting for my heart.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just too afraid."

I was beginning to sense a pain in the middle of my chest, and no, it wasn't a heart attack, but it might as well have been. She was killing me with her distancing attitude. "So your getting upset about me being gone without calling you was just a smokescreen, huh?"

She looked into my eyes. "Let's just sit on this for a week, okay?"

"Why?"

There was a long silence and she looked away. "Please, Sam. I need more time to think about this."

"If that's what you want, fine." I slipped off my side of the bed and picked up my clothes, dressing without a word. Josie faced the wall, but I could have sworn I heard her crying. All those meaningless rolls in the sack in Miami came back at me, reminding me that I had something really good here and it was being pulled out from under me. Slipping my feet into my shoes and finishing buttoning my shirt, I said, "At least let me have a chance to say goodbye to Stacey before I leave."

She nodded. "You know where Tommy's house is. That's where he said he was going."

I'd been dismissed, dropped like a used dishrag. I was usually good at thinking on my feet, but she left me so disoriented I didn't know what to do except find Stacey to say goodbye and get out of town. I couldn't figure out what just happened. Maybe all this time she was just using me to scratch an itch, and when she realized she was falling in love, she thought it was better to break it off than take a chance with the chanciest of emotions.

With the last button on my slightly rumpled shirt fastened, I walked out the door and down the street to Tommy's house. I found Stacey with three other boys playing with green plastic Army men on the driveway.

"Stacey," I called his name and his head popped up from the others. The look of delight on his face almost did me in.

"Hey, it's Sam. What are you doing here?" He ran to me and hugged me around the waist, right in front of his friends.

I knew then that his love for me ran deeper than anything his Mom felt, and it broke my heart that I couldn't have it. When he released me, he tugged on my arm and led me to his friends, whom he introduced. They nodded and looked up at me with scrutiny. Stacey must have really talked me up to them.

"Yeah, this is the guy, guys. He's the one who put the cards on my bike, and he helps me with my homework, and he does all kinds of cool things with me." He looked up and asked, "Does Mom want me home?"

"No, Stace, I was just coming by to say good-bye. I have another week of leave, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that's right. I thought you were gonna stay here." He looked crestfallen, but in an instant his expression turned hopeful. "But you'll be back in a week, right?"

"Of course." I braved a smile, even though inside I hated myself for misleading him. "I have to return to the base. I'll see if I can get over to see you when I come back to Norfolk. Okay?"

"Okay!"

The first huge mistake was lying to him. The second was leaning over to give him a last embrace.

Stacey wrapped his arms around my neck and said, "Be careful, 'cause I want you to come back and maybe you can marry my Mom." He said it soft, for my ears only, but the effect was like a punch to the face.

With one last squeeze, I replied, "I promise, I'll be careful. Take care, kiddo." I ruffled his hair and held up my hand in a short wave. "Nice meeting you guys." At the end of the driveway, I turned around and said, "See ya, Stacey!"

"Bye, Sam! See you next week!"

As I walked away, I heard one of the kids address Stacey in an awed voice, "He's really a SEAL? That is so cool."

I heard intense pride in Stacey's voice as he replied, "Yeah, and maybe someday he'll be my Dad."

"Super cool!"

I was crushed.

Feeling rudderless and not sure what else to do, I rented a car and drove back down to Miami. It was cheaper than flying and it gave me a chance to blow off some steam. I found Aurora and engaged in another meaningless relationship, drinking myself into oblivion, and having what should have been the time of my life. Instead, I was miserable.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Two days before my leave was finished, I woke up in my hotel bed alone and feeling more lonely than I had in a long time. My head pounded, the inside of my mouth felt like I'd eaten a bale of cotton, and my stomach churned when I tried to get out of bed. I considered calling Josie, but about that time she would be getting Stacey ready for his last day of school before the summer. I imagined him being all excited for vacation and thinking that I would be back to see them soon. It broke me up inside to disappoint the kid. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Truth be told, it shouldn't have even begun.

I at least learned one lesson, and that was to steer clear of women with kids. Single or divorced and kid-free, that was the way to go. No complications. No strings. Only risking that one or two hearts get broken, and the adults can handle it. Knowing what I'd gone through in my own childhood, I understood the fragility of a child's heart. But kids are also resilient. I survived, and I hoped that Stacey would too.

The warrior part of me didn't want to just lie down and take this. I had to try one more time. Despite my week of debauchery, I couldn't erase my feelings for Josie. It took some effort to get up, but I did it and dragged my sorry butt into the shower. I cleaned up, checked out, and made the trek up the coast to Norfolk. It was a long trip. I wasn't expected to be on base for another couple days, but I was sick of hotel rooms. The only place I really wanted to be was at Josie's with her and Stacey.

I knocked on the door and stepped into the arc of the porch light when it turned on and the lock made a snapping noise as she unlocked it. Josie opened the door and she stood back in the shadows. I heard the television in the background and recognized the voices of the characters on one of Stacey's favorite shows, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Sam, why are you here," she asked in a soft voice.

"I have to be back to base on Monday. I was hoping that….."

"What? That you could just walk back in here and pick up where you left off? I can't do that, Sam. I can't give you what you want."

"Jo, please. You barely gave us a shot." I showed her my best serious begging look.

"I like you but I don't love you, Sam. And I like you enough to not string you along and make you hope that I might learn to love you." She sighed. "It's not going to happen. I'm sorry."

"That's a shame," I said, resigned but wishing I could say something to change her mind. "Can I talk to Stacey? Let him know I won't be around anymore?"

"No. It's best if you just leave and don't come back."

Her words cut me. The door closed and the porch light turned off, leaving me alone and in the dark. I exhaled like I was expelling all my feelings for her. Then I left Josie's and hit the clubs to try to forget, and from that time on, I determined that I wouldn't let emotions or feelings get in the way. If I saw a woman I liked, I'd make my play and be certain that she knew that it was all about fun. If she was married or had kids, all bets were off. Shoot, if she had pets, I'd have to think twice. Anything I could get emotionally attached to was out of the question.

* * *

My strategy worked pretty well for quite a number of years. I didn't get hurt again and I didn't hurt anyone. At least, I don't think I did. I worked hard at my career and made it my first love, and that worked pretty good for me too until I made the fatal mistake of picking up a married woman who happened to be my Admiral's wife. I lost my career and I was left alone again, with no one to help pick up the pieces. Hooking up with a few sugar mommies helped ease the pain, and getting in with Michael Westen on his gigs made me feel useful. Then it happened. My past came back to slap me in the face in the form of an IRS auditor named Stacey Connolly. THE Stacey Connolly! The little Evel Knievel was all grown up and still smarting from my abrupt departure.

As he went through every little detail of my life that wasn't classified, he wielded his power like a double edged sword cutting me to ribbons. My tax deficiency percentage rose along with my blood pressure, I'm sure. When he mentioned needing an estimate of the things I received from my "lady friends", he hid his disgust well. it wasn't until we were sitting at Maddie's dining room table and he was looking for the last thing that would slip my neck into an IRS noose that the breakthrough came. Among my papers I had a baseball card, a card with a history.

It was time for me to confirm my suspicions. "Wait a minute. I know you. Your Mom is Josie Connolly. I dated her back in the day. You and I, we used to play catch." He tried to deny it, but it was too late and I continued, "You remember when I bought you that pack of baseball cards?"

"I have no idea what you're referring to, Mr. Axe."

"You have to remember. You had a bike, it was a Schwinn," I said with the memory blooming in my head. I could picture it like it was yesterday. "You remember that, don't you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Stacey denied, but from the way his cheeks flushed, I knew he recalled that day.

"We took the cards and put 'em in the spokes of your wheels, and when you rode around..."

With his hands in the air, he cut me off, shouting, "It sounded like a motorcycle and you called me Evel Knievel." He looked at me, such sadness in his eyes, it brought back my own bruised feelings. "You acted like you liked me, and then one day you were gone, and you never came back."

"Oh no, it wasn't like that at all. I thought you were a good kid. When your Ma broke things off with me, I tried to call a couple of times and tried to take you to a game, but she, uh, she didn't wanna have anything to do with me. You know how it goes."

Visibly shaken and hurt, Stacey cleared his throat and assembled his paperwork as he stood. "I think I have everything I need for my audit."

"Stacey, wait a second. Let's grab a beer and catch up!" But he was gone, and I was left with Maddie ragging on me about dating his mom. It wasn't my fault that Josie didn't let me end my relationship with Stacey properly, but seeing him again made me realize that I should have done what I could to lessen the blow. I screwed up on that page of my history in a big way.

* * *

If I was going to survive this audit, I had to do something fast. Granted, the scrutiny of my chaotic financials from the past few years was justified, but Stacey's motivations were all wrong. After I cleared a gig with Mike and Fi, that night I sat on my bed, Stacey's business card in my hand, flipping it over and over, debating how to approach this. In the end, I knew the only right way to deal with it was to be honest.

"Hello," Stacey said as he answered the phone.

"Stacey, it's me, Sam Axe."

"I have nothing to say to you," Stacey snapped, and I could swear I heard the sound of air moving as he took the receiver away from his face to replace it on the cradle.

"Stacey, please, don't hang up! Please, just listen to me!"

"Why? So you can lie to me some more?" I heard a sniff.

"I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry, Stace. Your mom didn't tell you that when my leave was almost over I stopped by because I... well, I wanted to see if your mom changed her mind about me." I exhaled. "She didn't. And she didn't want me talking to you. You were up watching TV, but she said it was too late for me to come in."

"I remember that," Stacey said after a long pause. "I asked Mom who was at the door, and she said someone was selling something. But I didn't think that was right. It was too late for that." He breathed. "That was you? And you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. I gave Josie a couple weeks and then I tried calling to take you to a game, but she wasn't having any of that. I really liked you, Stacey, and I wanted to spend time with you because... well... we'd developed a rapport. You needed a good male role model in your life. Not that I was a good one, but I cared. I did."

"I don't know what to say."

"If I asked you to come over to Maddie's tomorrow and have a drink with me, would you?"

"Yeah, sure. What time?"

"When will you be done with the audit?" I hated to bring it up, but time was running out on getting it done.

"Oh, that. I'll worry about that later. How's two sound?"

"Two?" My eyebrows rose. "Two works fine for me. See you then, Stacey."

"See you then, Sam."

Well, wasn't this going to be interesting? Drinking with a guy who was a kid the last time I saw him, a guy who could bleed me dry financially and withhold my pension for the rest of my life. Was that wise? Maybe I'd gone around the bend. I don't know. My gut told me that this was necessary, that my leaving the way I did broke something inside that little boy. He trusted me and when I didn't come back, he developed a hatred for me and a chip on his shoulder for the whole world to see. Maybe by burying the hatchet I could help him get over his anger and restore some of who he'd once been, an individual with a great personality who had a real love of life.

The next day at two, I opened the door when he knocked and with a big grin on my face, I led him to the dining room table. His eyes took in the assortment of liquor bottles, mixers, and cut up fruit. As I suspected, he'd probably never seen so much booze in one place. I remarked, "Let me guess. You don't go to bars."

"Never." With a hesitant expression, he said, "One thing I learned from my Mom was that bars were places to pick up a short-term date. No one you expected to stick with ever came from a bar meeting."

"So she never found anyone?"

"No. She tried, but she could never commit. As I got older, I hated her for that."

The pathetic tone in his voice made my stomach lurch. I wanted to ask just how many men his mother picked up in bars, but I decided it was probably better to not touch that one. Instead, I stuck out an arm and said, "Have a seat, Stacey, and I'll introduce you to a few fun drinks."

He sat across from me, and with relief in his voice, Stacy declared, "I'm glad you called, Sam. I was so mad at you. When your name came across my desk, I thought this was it, my chance to get back at you."

"Well, I'm glad you found me, Stacey."

His smile was genuine as he replied, "Yeah, me too. So, how about a drink?" I started him off easy with a Fuzzy Navel. He liked that one. "Sam, you're like a drinking genius."

"I've forgotten more about the subject than you'll ever know." I tried to be careful, but he took everything I gave him, and some of the drinks he downed like they were koolaid. It didn't take long for him to get rip-roaring drunk and giggly.

"If I ever need help with ordering a drink, can I call you?"

That was the craziest question ever, but I smiled and held up my own drink. "Any time, Stacey. And I mean it. Don't be a stranger."

He laughed and said, "Isn't this the best audit ever?"

Not long after that he passed out and with Maddie's help I laid him out on the couch. "Sam, you shouldn't have pushed him," she scolded.

"I didn't. He was the one sucking them down like they were going out of style!" I shook my head. "Are you okay with him being here? If not, I'll take him to his hotel."

"No, he's going to need someone to help him through the after-effects." She struck a match, lit her cigarette and walked in to the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'll be right here, just in case."

* * *

It was late in the evening when Stacey was introduced to the consequences of too much drinking. Feeling responsible for not being more assertive and curbing his consumption, I stayed up with him until the last of the alcohol was out of his system and he slept soundly on the couch. I wondered if he would hate me all over again in the morning.

Maddie offered to make breakfast, but Stacey looked as if the last thing he wanted was food. It was probably a smart thing to keep him away from Maddie's cooking, and I remembered the food allergies. When he turned down her cookies the other day, that's what tipped me off that this Stacey Connolly was the one I knew.

"Stacey, let's go find a Waffle House," I urged as I picked up my keys and pulled Stacey by the arm and set him on his feet. "We've got a lot to catch up on, don't you agree?"

"Yes, we do," Stacey agreed with less enthusiasm than I showed.

"Hey, I think the Marlins are in town today. Why don't we go to a game," I suggested. "My treat... and you better take this offer now, because after this audit, I won't have two nickels to rub together, let alone enough for a nose bleed section ticket to a baseball game."

"Audit? What audit?" Stacey blinked as innocent as a lamb behind his glasses. "You know there are ways of making those things go away, and to tell you the truth, the circumstances under which your file was chosen were quite suspect."

"What do you mean?" I glanced at him sideways. "I thought you said my case was given to you by someone else."

"It was, and it's nothing to worry about, really, Sam." Stacey smiled. "Come on. I may feel terrible right now, but I'm looking forward to finally going to a game with you."

We got a couple good seats. I grabbed a hot dog and a beer, and Stacey had a soda with his popcorn. To my surprise, on one of his bathroom trips he returned with matching ball caps, one for me and one for him.

"Thanks, Stacey."

"There. Now you have something to remember me by."

"I always had that baseball card, but this is even better." I grinned as I set the cap on my head. "But I'm hoping that you're not thinking you can just ride off into the sunset on that Schwinn, or whatever your driving these days."

Stacey laughed and his smile was as bright as I remembered it from long ago. "No, I promise you. I'm not going to let our relationship go just because my Mom, for whatever reason, didn't think you were good enough for us."

I sighed and sat back in my seat. "I don't think it had anything to do with not being good enough. She just didn't want to get tied down to one man." I met his eyes and said, "If she had, things would have been a lot different."

He pursed his lips, holding back the emotion I saw in his eyes. Nodding, he said, "I know. So let's make up for what we lost, shall we?"

"I thought that was what we were doing right now."

Stacey slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out some old baseball cards. "For later. I hear you can rent bikes along the beach, and if we get some clothespins, or duct tape, we'll be set."

I lost it, laughing loud enough for the people around us to stare. I didn't care. "We'll see about that later, Evel Knievel."

"I'm sure we will, Sam." Stacey sat back in his seat and the two of us enjoyed the day and the game, the way it should have been back in the day when I was foolish enough to think that we could have a relationship without strings. The ties we were forming that day I wouldn't trade for any kind of freedom.


End file.
